No, you still can't use the phone!

I'm expecting an important call.

That's what I tell the kids or anyone else who tries to use the phone. Maybe "tell" isn't accurate enough. When I see someone picking up the phone from the cradle, I dive across the coffee table and wrestle it from their hands. Because, you see, there's not just one life-altering phone call I'm waiting for – there's two.

The first is from Verizon Wireless. Since moving into this townhouse, my cell always displays the "Just Say No to Signal" icon when I'm home. Of course We Can Hear You Now – you're on the freakin' Tel – A – Vizh – Un!
So I called Verizon support, and after being bounced around, was finally able to speak with a real, live technical person. He had me dial *128. Called me from his cell. Checked the tower locations in my area. Had me make a call to see when it was dropped. Had me whisper sweet nothings in his ear. (You know, in retrospect, I don't see how that would've helped – but he's the expert.) Finally, he said he would do some investigating and call me back.
"Is there a land line I can call you on?"
"Yes." I gave him the number.

That was the summer of '05, so he must be coming up with some really good information.
Or maybe he actually said, "Is there a land mine I can throw you on?"
I was on my cell and couldn't really hear him then.

The second call is from Geoff Harris, a VP with NBC.
I entered two original sitcoms I had written into a B-grade screenwriting competition. The first place prize was 800 bucks and a six month option from NBC. The competition was judged by the aforementioned Mr. Harris since his company, NBC, would be considering the show among the hundreds of other schlock-scripts that wind their way onto network television.

Both of my scripts made it into the finals – "Against The Tide", which, in my opinion, was the better of the two, and "It's a Jungle Out There". Jungle won.
The day after winning, I received a call from the guy who runs the competition, praising my work, blah, blah, blah, and telling me that Geoff would definitely be calling me.
That was 1997.
No one has used the phone since.

I'd order call waiting, but my cell gets no signal and I can't tie up the line.